The Disturbing Senshi Adventures
by Invader Yaz
Summary: A new senshi has been discovered: Sailor Old Lady. Now, whats are they supposed to do with the old lady and her cane, while trying to deal with the return of Malachite and Zoicite. Series mixes.
1. The Return of Eeeeeeeeviiil...

An old lady ran up to the Youma. She wore a yellow, purple-flowered dress, and a purple hat with a yellow flower. She held her cane out to the monster.  
  
Sailor Old Lady: I am Sailor Old Lady! You will bake cookies!  
  
The Youma looked to her, trying not to bust laughing. As this happened, Malachite and Zoicite appear in a tree nearby, laughing just as hard as their Youma.  
Sailor Old Lady, who will now be referred as SOL, charged at the monster, but instead, runs out of breath and falls over. At that moment, the Inner Senshi, and Chibimoon appear.  
  
Venus: Malachite and Zoicite sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! A-B-C-D-E-F-G!  
  
At that coment, Chibimoon fell over, laughing her big pink head off. Then she blew up. Sailormoon ran over to SOL, followed shortly by Mars.  
  
Moon: Are you okay? What are you doing here?  
SOL: I'm fine. I came to defeat the Youma. After all, I am Sailor Moo-err... Sailor Old Lady!  
  
Just then, a little green bird with a golden cloud on it's forehead landed on SOL's shoulder, and Luna stared hungryly at it. Moon looked to Mars worridly.  
  
Bird: Thats right! She's a senshi!  
Moon [Wide-eyed]: YOU CAN TALK?!?!  
Burd: Yeah. Duh!  
Luna: Does that mean I can't eat it?  
  
Malachite: Uhhhh... HELLO?!?!  
Zoicite: Were still here, yunno!!  
Youma: Roar.  
  
Mercury: Uhm.... Shall we, Jupiter?  
Jupiter: YEAH!  
Mercury: DEAD SCREAM!  
Jupiter: Silent Wall!  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Venus: Uhhh... guys? Wrong attacks.  
Mercury & Jupiter: Oh yeah...  
Mercury: Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss!  
Jupiter: Stalight Gentle Uterus!  
  
Again, nothing happened.  
  
Venus [Sweatdropping]: Bakas...  
  
So, while Chibimoon rolls around on the ground, mysteriously un-blown-up, laughing hysterically, Malachite, Zoicite, and the Youma; getting bored, Moon and Mars stare wide-eyed at the SOL and the bird, Mercury and Jupiter try to remember their attacks, with Venus further sweatdropped.  
  
AN: What will happen next? Will the senshi remember there attacks? Will that come next? Or will they all die? Die? DIE, I SAY!... Errr... sorry. [[*Someone runs up to the announcer, whispering something in her ear.*]] What?? The episode isn't over yet?? DAMN! Why didn't you tell me that before??  
  
Uranus[Who, mysteriously appeared, just to say this one line before dissapearing again]: Whatevers... uhhh... on the with episode!  
  
Venus: Shimatta! Jupi! Merc! Your attacks are Aqua Rhapsody and Oak Evolution! Get it right!  
Mercury & Jupiter: Ohhhhh! Thanks Venus!  
Mercury: Mercury Oak Evolution!  
Jupiter: Jupiter Aqua Rhapsody!  
  
Nothing happens. Duh.  
  
Venus: Ugh.... I give up...  
  
Moon: So, lemme get this straight. Your an old lady. Your a senshi, and this is... who?  
SOL: This is Kiki.  
Bird: My name is *not* KIKI! It's Kumo!  
SOL: Ohhh... right. Kumo. Sorry.  
Mars[Sweatdroping]: So, no, Luna, you cannot eat Kumo.  
Luna: Darn.  
  
Venus: Please. Kill me now.  
Malachite: Gladly. Youma! Dispose of Sailorvenus!  
Youma: Roar.  
Zoicite: We said kill Sailorvenus!  
Youma: Roar.  
Malachie: Good for nothing -beep beep beeeeeeep!- [Sorry, due to uhhhh... something, I didn't swear there.]  
  
Just then, Sailorsaturn walked up, sipping on a McDonalds soda.   
  
AN: Weird. I always thought she hatted McDonalds. Everyone does. *Chomps on McDonalds McChicken Sandwich.* Yum...  
  
Saturn: Hey, you guys!  
Venus: Hota- I mean... Saturn! Kill Malachite!  
Saturn: Who?  
Venus: Malachite!!!  
Saturn: Who?  
Venus: I hate dealing with series mixes... ugh...  
Saturn: Nani?  
Venus: Nevermind. You see those two guys in the tree?  
Saturn: You mean the two kissing guys?  
Venus: Yeah. Kill them.  
Saturn: Okay.  
  
The Youma's cell phone then rings. Ring. Ring. The Youma picks it up.  
  
Youma: Moshi moshi.  
Person on the phone calling the Youma[says this eroticaly and seductivly]: Do you need... staples?  
Youma: Why the hell would *I* need staples?!? I'm a 7 foot tall rampaging monster!  
Person on the phone calling the Youma: Right. Good day, ma'am. *Hangs up*  
Youma: Ma'am..? WtF? *Hangs up.*  
  
Then Venus' cell phone rings. Ring Ring. Ring Ring. RING!!! RING!!!!!!!!! Venus picks up the phone after the 500th ring.  
  
Venus: Moshi moshi?  
Person on the phone calling Venus, who, incedentally, was the same person who called the Youma: Hi. Do you need staples?  
Venus: No. Do you want to know *why* I don't need staples?  
Person on the phone calling Venus, who, incedentally, was the same person who called the Youma: Sure. Why not.  
Venus[With a quivering voice]: I don't need staples... because I'm going to kill myself.  
POTPCVWIWTSPWCTY: Is... that because you don't have staples?  
  
Venus hands the phone to Saturn.  
  
Venus: Do something with it.  
Saturn: Okay. *Dips the cell phone in her soda*  
  
POTPCVWIWTSPWCTY: Hello? Helllooooo?  
  
Saturn then eats the phone, and the Person on the phome calling Venus, who, incedentally, was the same person who called the Youma, or, POTPCVWIWTSPWCTY, thus got the busy signal, for some reason, and thus, screamed into the phone, and then hung up.  
  
Saturn: Wasn't I suppost to do something?  
Venus: Yeah  
Saturn: Really?  
Venus: *Nods*  
Saturn: Wait... I remember now... I was suppost to eat everyone, then take over the world, then distroy it with my amazingly powerfull world-distroying powers, right?  
Venus: Right. I mean... no.  
Saturn: Damn. I've always wanted to do that.  
Venus: Do it tomarrow. Right now, you have to kill the kissing guys.  
Saturn: What kissing guys?  
Venus: The ones in the tree.  
Saturn: What tree?  
Venus: That tree! *Points to where the tree USED to be, then sees there is no more tree.* What happened to the tree?!  
Saturn: Look! A verbally recorded note!  
Venus: Oi.  
  
Saturn and Venus approach the voice-recorder, as if it were a rabid bomb.  
  
Saturn: Pick it up.  
Venus: No, you pick it up.  
Saturn: No, you.  
Venus: No, you.  
Saturn: No, you.  
Venus: No, you.  
Saturn: No, you.  
Venus: No, you.  
Saturn: NO! YOU!  
Venus: NO! YOU!!!!  
Saturn: YOU!  
Venus: YOU!  
  
And thus, a verbal war insued between Sailorsaturn and Sailorvenus. And whilst this happened, Chibimoon, who, amaizingly stopped laughing, for once, went and picked up the recorder. No one was paying attention.  
  
  
[Voice of Malachite] Dear stupid senshi.  
Zoicite and I, Malachite, have decided to leave all you bakas.  
We will soon take over the world!  
[Voice of Zoicite, in a low whisper] Hurry up Mal! I have that sensual urge to kiss Chibimoon again!  
[Malachite] Shhh!  
[At this, Chibimoon shudders, gags, and dies. But the recording keeps going.]  
[Malachite] This recorder will self destruct in 5 seconds.  
....5  
...4  
..3  
.2  
1!  
*BOOM!!!* The recorder self-destructs. All the senshi die.  
  
AN: *Snicker* Whoo! They're dead! Until next time, SOL fans.  
  
Disclaimer: I did not create Sailormoon. Duuuh. But I *did* think up Sailor Old Lady. I was trying to get to sleep one night, when I thought her up. Odd, ne? I may have over-exaggerated on the rating, but never can be too carefull, right? o.O; 


	2. Lets Eat!

AN: Welcome back to The Disturbing Senshi Adventures. Ummm.... I have nothing to say.  
  
--  
  
So the senshi didn't die. They didn't even hear the boom. What a bunch of bakas.  
  
Suddenly, Mistress 9 appears. Thus making Sailorvenus extremley confused, looking back and forth from Sailorsaturn, who was now licking an ice cream cone, and Mistress 9, who, apparently, was sleep-walking.  
  
Venus: Oh dear...  
  
Anyway, back to the main point of the story. Sailor Old Lady.  
  
SOL: What were we talking about?  
Moon: Not sure.  
Mars: I frogot during the past few..... conversations, that we aren't even suppost to know, hear, or even think about. Oh well.  
  
AN: Yes. To tell the truth, we did froget. And we are too lazy to go and check. Oh well.  
  
So, all the senshi go to McDonalds. Then they run into Mistress 9 again, who is still sleep-walking.  
  
Mistress 9, shoving through the line to get to the counter: I'll order some.... Milk, Slugs, and the Cutie Moon Rod.  
Saturn: Ewww.... milk.  
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto: Ewwwww.... Slugs.  
Moon: Hey! My Cutie Moon Rod!  
Luna: Losers.  
  
AN: Hey... when did the Outer Senshi come into the story? [*Everyone shrugs.*] Oh well.  
  
SOL: *Waves umbrella* Hey! Slut in the dress! STOP CUTTING!  
  
Artimis then runs past with scissors, and cuts Mistress 9 in half, who dissapears, just when the order of milk, slugs, and the Cutie Moon Rod comes. Chibimoon takes her Cutie Moon Rod, and goes back to the others.  
  
Moon: I'll have... *Recites the WHOLE menu*  
Venus: What she said!  
SOL: The Old Ladies Meal, please, young man.  
Mercury: Saimin.  
Jupiter: Forklifts, please.  
Mars: I'll have a salad.  
Saturn: I'll have a plate of Almighty World Distructing Humanoids.  
Person Behind Counter: I'm sorry, Sailorsaturn-sama. We are out of that.  
Saturn: WHAT??? *Blows up world.*  
Moon: *Recreates world.*  
Saturn: Darn. Oh well, I'll have the McChicken sandwich.  
Chibimoon: I waaaaaant... everything you have, thats pink! *Beams in that cute, annoying way.*  
Neptune: I'll have a glass of water.  
Uranus: Big Mac.  
Pluto: I'll have.. *Recites the entire dessert menu.*  
  
All the senshi look at Pluto in surprise.  
  
Pluto: What? I have to eat, yunno.  
Mars: True.  
Person Vehind Counter: Alright. That will be 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 million dollars.  
Moon: What? That cheap? Woah. It usually costs twice that much. *Pays.*  
  
Then, everyone gets the food they ordered, and takes up a whole seperate room, Venus and Moon taking up two whole tables each with their food, and Pluto and Chibimoon took one each, whole the rest shared the remaining few tables.  
  
AN: The senshi are eating! OH MY! What will happen when they finish? WILL THEY EXPLODE BECAUSE THEY ATE SO MUCH? Or.. will they save the world, AGAIN? Only time will tell!  
  
***  
  
Sorry for the shortness, minna. 


	3. What A Disturbing Development...

AN: Welcome back! They were eating... right? o_O;; ... Yeah. They were.  
  
So, they were eating. And then they finished. Ehrm.. yes. Then they left the building.  
  
Chibimoon: CHIBIMOON HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Chibimoon: YOU'RE ALL SO MEAN TO ME! *Sobs, runs off.*  
  
The senshi don't even noticed she's gone. What a surprise.  
  
[AN: *Cheering lamely in the background.*]  
  
Moon: What do we wanna do now?  
Neptune: We should go find Malachite and Zoicite.  
Venus: You know about them? *Sparkly eyes*  
Uranus: Yeah. Mercury told us over lunch.  
Venus: .. Oh. *No longer sparkly-eyed*  
Jupiter: TRAITOR! *Bashes Mercury over her head.*  
Mercury: Owwwwwwwiiie.  
Mars: And that was for..?  
Jupiter: I dunno.  
Mars: Brilliance. *Rolls eyes*  
Moon: *Scarfing down ice cream cone*  
Tuxi: I AM TUXIDO KAMEN! *Hopps down from nearby building, thawps random senshi on the head with rose.* AHAHA!  
Random senshi: OWWW!  
Tuxi: MUWAHAHA..  
Venus: Oh no! He's been possesed like in the first season!!  
Saturn: He was possesed, like me? *Sparkley eyed*  
Moon: *Wails* MY MAMORUUUUUUU! NOOOOO..!  
  
Malachite and Zoicite popped up out of nowhere.  
  
Malachite: AHAHAHAHA!  
Zoicite: Who's laughing now? HUH? HUUUAAAH?  
Pluto: They scare me..  
Neptune: Me too.  
Mercury: I think they scare everyone.  
Uranus: They don't scare me.  
Malachite: Well, we should.  
Uranus: Well, too bad.  
Zoicite: Shouldn't they be dead?  
Moon: Dead, why?  
Malachite: The bomb.  
Moon: What bomb?  
Venus: There was a bomb?  
Zoicite: Yeah.  
Jupiter: Oh well.  
Malachite: Anywho... GO, YOUMA! *Throws Pokeball.*  
Youma: *Pops out of the Pokeball* ROAR!  
  
AN: Oh dear! A YOUMA!  
  
*****  
Wee. More shortness. 


End file.
